This afternoon and evening I have felt almost tempted to despair--as mentioned two days ago in my post entitled "Raw," we are walking through three hard things right now. In addition to these three things, half of my family is now flying to America. Zoe, Abby Grace, and Mark are in the air over the Pacific. Them traveling, coupled with my heavy heart, can be a recipe for fretful, unbiblical thinking. In this weary state I am more prone to take worry to the next level and actually visualize what would happen if their plane wrecked or if we had a massive earthquake here on the Ring of Fire where I live. I'm asking the Lord to control my thoughts and keep me from going there. In addition, I led Bible study tonight (on contentment--perfect!) and so being in fellowship and the Word allowed my heart to be engaged in battle on the side of victory.
Tonight, as many other nights, I have to ask myself, "So? So what? So what if the worst came to pass? What if you did lose everyone? What if all your babies and your husband did die? What if?" And my heart has a choice to make now and everyday that is a walk of faith. By God's grace only and by the power of Christ in me, I am able to say, "God is enough." I have to decide NOW that God is good and sovereign and that nothing, NOTHING, is outside His will. If those things did happen, God is enough.
I'm praying Psalm 73:25-28 tonight--Lord God please align my heart with this Psalm and make it true of me to the very depths of my soul:
"Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
If you have 2 minutes and 50 seconds I urge you to watch this video of a portion of a sermon by John Piper proclaiming that God is enough. We are tempted to worship the gifts (children, safety, family, security) more than the Giver (God Himself). This poignant video combats that and I long for a heart that truly, always, and fully believes God is enough.